What Do Seventh-day Adventists Believe About Marriage and Family?

The Seventh-day Adventist Church believes God established marriage and the family unit to be blessings to humanity. They make up a relational structure that can reflect the multifaceted nature of God’s love.

Adam, the first human, had a longing for companionship—a longing we still experience today.

That’s because God designed us for relationships with one another. And He’s also provided us with counsel in Scripture to show us how to have happy relationships, marriages, and families.

We’re about to cover:

• Why marriage is important to us
• Where the idea of marriage and family is first mentioned in the Bible
• Sin’s effects on marriage and family
• Biblical principles for a healthy marriage
• What Adventists believe about parenting
• How God works with us through dysfunctional family situations

But before we go further, here’s a summary of our fundamental belief on this topic from the official church website:

This belief is firmly grounded on principles found in the Bible, where we find timeless truths about love, compassion, commitment, equality, and spiritual health.

Let’s explore this further.

Why is marriage important to Adventists?

Adventism teaches that marriage is a sacred and special part of life, as God gave this to humanity as a blessing, a duty, and a model of the relationship we can have with Him.

God gave humans the desire for companionship (Genesis 2:20–23). And though every relationship provides an opportunity to learn, grow, love, and enjoy life together, marriage is meant to be the deepest and most intimate.

He knows we best understand situations we can relate to. So, in giving us the opportunity to love someone else and receive love in return, it provides us with an experience that helps us understand the depth of His love and devotion.

He compares His love for us to that of a husband for his wife. He is faithful and committed to His “marriage covenant” with us and doesn’t desire anything to get in the way of that relationship (Hosea 2:19; Isaiah 54:5).

This emphasis on the exclusivity and permanence of marriage further shows how important it is.

As a matter of fact, we believe:

“God blesses the family and intends that its members shall assist each other toward complete maturity. Increasing family closeness is one of the earmarks of the final gospel message.”¹

In addition to bringing enrichment and joy to our lives, marriage is a powerful witness for God and Christianity because it teaches us how to love others better. The qualities that make us better spouses—honesty, kindness, selflessness, and more—also encompass Christian living.

And those principles go all the way back to the first chapters of the Bible. More on them next.

Where is the idea of marriage and family first mentioned in the Bible?

The institutions of marriage and family began in the Garden of Eden when God created Adam, the first human, with a desire for a partner.

With that desire came a certain anticipation.

Adam and God were both aware that he needed a woman. The only problem? God hadn’t created any women yet (Genesis 2:20)!

Of course, God couldn’t have forgotten! He doesn’t make mistakes.

Rather, it’s likely that God waited to make Eve so Adam could acknowledge his unspoken desire for a partner.

And once he did, God was happy to fulfill it. He created Eve from one of Adam’s ribs and presented her to Adam, who happily received her (Genesis 2:21–22).

God was the driving force behind their relationship. He guided their desire for a partner and brought them together. He even blessed them with children to form the first family (Genesis 4:1).

The way God created the first marriage relationship helps us understand how He intends marriages to operate.

The marriage relationship

The marriage relationship is a special and exclusive partnership between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:20–24). It’s formed when they each make a promise, or a covenant, to stay by each other’s side and support and serve one another.

It all started with how God created Eve.

We know that God took material from Adam to create Eve, but the way that He does this is incredibly significant.

He took Eve from Adam’s rib, signaling that she was to rule at his side (Genesis 2:21). She wasn’t to rule over him or be ruled by him.²

They were equals, both made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

They were made out of the same flesh, symbolizing that they were about as close as two beings could be. But at the same time, they were given different genders to be physically complementary and distinct from one another (Mark 10:6–9).

Just as the first couple joined together and became “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), spouses today have the privilege of uniting in sexual union. The Bible calls husbands and wives to care for one another as they would care for their own bodies (Ephesians 5:25–29).

This also means that marriage was designed to be between one man and one woman at a time—monogamy.³

This unity and lifetime commitment reminds us of what God wants in His relationship with us. Just like a marriage covenant, God longs for us to promise ourselves to Him and never let Him go (Deuteronomy 10:20; 2 Corinthians 6:16).

Ephesians 5:22-28 details the respect and love wives and husbands ought to have for each other.

This kind of relationship—with both God and a spouse—is built on mutual selflessness and submission.

What about the concept of submission in marriage?

Just as Christ gave Himself for us, the Bible calls husbands and wives to love and submit to each other. Though Ephesians 5:22–24 tells wives to submit to their husbands, and for husbands to love their wives, these words are simply different sides of the same coin.

Submission is defined as “being submissive, humble, or compliant.”

And as Christians, we’re all called to be submissive.

Right before Paul gets into talking about submission in marriage in Ephesians 5, he mentions submission among Christians. And he outright says that we are all called to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21).

This doesn’t mean we let others dictate how we live or what we believe in. We’re not called to ignore our own needs.

But God asks all of us to put others first, living with a mindset of service (Philippians 2:3).

And if you think about it, we are more familiar and accustomed to submission than we realize. We submit to many things without a second thought. Things like reasonable societal norms, certain authority figures, workplace etiquette, or the wishes of a friend.

We often submit to these expectations without feeling like we’re submitting to them at all. It’s natural.

And with God’s help, it can become natural in marriage too.

Paul compares the love of a husband to the love Christ has for the church. Jesus demonstrated this love by living a life of service and by eventually “submitting” His life so we could have eternal life (Mark 10:45; Ephesians 5:25).

This shows us that God designed submission and love to work hand-in-hand.

In fact, the Bible tells us that selflessness is the greatest act of love (John 15:13).

If we read Proverbs 31:10–31, which characterizes a virtuous wife, we see loving submission in how she selflessly loves and serves her spouse and family, helping them to prosper as a unit, rather than for her own recognition.

And if we read Ephesians 5:25-33, which characterizes a virtuous husband, we see loving submission in how husbands are to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her” and also to love them “as their own bodies” (CSB). So the husband’s love is a sacrificial love and he considers his wife’s needs before his own.

Ellen White, a co-founder of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, puts it this way:

“Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. The Lord has laid down the principle that is to guide in this matter. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church. And the wife is to respect and love her husband. Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other.”⁴

If you still find yourself confused about the subject of submission, we urge you to study and pray about it. In the end, you’ll know you’re truly loving your spouse when your relationship is built on mutual respect, selfless love, and dedication.

What do Adventists teach about sin’s effects on marriage and the family?

When sin entered the world, the institutions of marriage and family were compromised. Sin separated the first married couple from a relationship with God and damaged their relationship with each other (Genesis 3).

Sin was also what caused Adam and Eve’s family to break apart when one of their sons killed the other (Genesis 4:9).

As time progressed, each generation became further separated from God. And subsequently, further from his original plan for human relationships.

This has all resulted in the broken marriages and families we see today. Let’s look at some of the specifics:

It distorted God’s plan for marriage and sex

God made marriage to be a union between a man and a woman, where they would experience an exclusively intimate and precious relationship with one another.

But sin has since distorted God’s original plan.

It’s led to:

• Intimacy without commitment: The purpose of sexual intimacy in marriage is for deeply enjoyable bonding and connection, with each giving of themselves to the other and allowing themselves to be vulnerable together. This is all meant to happen within the safety and stronghold of commitment (Genesis 2:23–24; Hebrews 13:4).

• Adultery: God prohibited adultery in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:14) because He understands the need for trust and safety in relationships. Adultery destroys that trust, opening up the sacred vulnerability between a couple to someone else. It can cause deep sorrow and betrayal, and God wants to spare us from such heartache.

• Polygamy: God’s original design was for marriage between one man and one woman—the only way for true connection and vulnerability to work in a balanced setting. He never endorsed polygamy. Whenever we see it practiced by Old Testament Bible figures, it always reaped hardship or even disaster. Take it from Jacob’s wives who constantly feuded for Jacob’s affection (Genesis 30). Or Hagar and Ishmael who were mistreated and cast out by their family (Genesis 16:6; 20:8–21).

We endanger ourselves and others when we deviate from God’s plan.

And though sin has a way of making unlawful unions look appealing, they only complicate things. There is no lasting happiness or satisfaction found outside God’s ways. King Solomon, who had hundreds of wives and concubines, admitted this (Ecclesiastes 2:8-11).

We could also look at the time David committed adultery with Bathsheba, which later led him to kill her husband, Uriah (2 Samuel 11–12). It was like he became an entirety different person during that period of time.

But it also shows us that even if we’ve fallen short of God’s plan, even in the worst ways, God promises forgiveness and redemption. He doesn’t want us to stay at rock bottom!

We may still have to face the consequences of our decisions, but God cleanses our hearts and sets us free to live in His purity, just as David did after he faced what he had done (Psalm 51).

It led to divorce and abuse

When God created marriage, He never intended it to result in separation and split families. Divorce deviates from His design and causes everyone involved pain and loss (Malachi 2:14–16; Matthew 5:32).

That being said, there are unfortunate times when divorce may become a reasonable course of action. Adventists believe this includes when marriages no longer reflects an equal Christ-like relationship or a safe environment, especially in cases of adultery (Matthew 19:9) or abuse.

Though there’s no explicit Bible verse about divorcing for abuse, the Bible shows us a loving God who is interested in protecting the oppressed (Psalm 11:5) and doesn’t want us to be in a relationship that endangers us or our children (Colossians 3:19; 1 Timothy 5:8).

God even compares divorcing one’s wife to committing “violence” against her, which suggests that He also considers violence a great cruelty (Malachi 2:13–16).

In the Adventist Church, we’re particularly concerned with helping anyone that’s been a victim of abuse, as we are aware of the great pain it causes and how it fails to reflect the love God calls us to have for one another.

If you’ve found yourself in a situation of abuse or divorce, know that God empathizes with your pain. He knows what it’s like to be rejected and betrayed by the people you love (Hosea 2).

And He promises to be there for us and uplift us when we feel abandoned (Deuteronomy 31:6; Psalm 10:17).

If you’ve divorced already and are wondering about remarriage, Adventists generally consider it another chance to foster a relationship based on biblical principles. While there aren’t guidelines that specifically address remarriage, Jesus suggests in Matthew 19:9 that it’s permitted if your spouse is an unbeliever and left you.

But even if you aren’t in any of these extreme circumstances and you’d just like to strengthen your marriage, let’s look at the guidance Scripture provides for us.

What are some biblical principles for a healthy marriage?

Beyond giving us a definition of what marriage should be, the Bible provides us with principles for making that relationship healthy.

1. Know that not everyone needs to get married (or have kids)

Singleness is no less sacred than marriage. In fact, being single provides opportunities in life and ministry that aren’t necessarily possible in a marriage.

The apostle Paul points out that there are some ways in which we can serve God more easily when we’re not having to balance family support with ministry priorities (1 Corinthians 7:8–9). In other words, some ministries may be more easily accomplished by singles.

But this doesn’t mean that couples and families don’t have equally important ministry or service opportunities. They’re just different.

Ultimately, being single or married isn’t what determines your worth—God loves you and has a purpose for you either way.

2. Make a commitment to love

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings and romance when you first get to know someone. And you might be able to get by on those feelings for quite some time, though they eventually peter out.

But biblical love, the kind that keeps marriages together, goes far beyond emotions. It involves a choice to serve.

Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 reflects this concept of love as a commitment. It defines love by describing its characteristics: patience, kindness, selflessness, honesty, forgiveness, protection, hope, and enduring love.

Though it can take time to develop these characteristics in your relationship, ask God to help you embody these traits so you can truly show your spouse you love them. This will not only help you to have a happier, healthier marriage but it’ll also help you learn how to love everyone more—including your parents, children, and neighbors.

3. Establish intimacy expectations

The difference between marriage and other relationships is that marriage allows and promotes having sex. Sexual expectations may vary from person to person, so it’s important to talk with your spouse about the expectations and boundaries you have (1 Corinthians 7:2–6).

For both husband and wife, sex should be safe, comfortable, consensual, and deeply enjoyable

4. Work together

Think of your spouse as your teammate. God has put you two together to face the trials and joys of life together, and this means coming together to address big decisions, encourage, and comfort one another.

Marriage experts suggest that mutual projects and hobbies can help a relationship grow because they teach couples to work alongside each other and solve problems together.⁵

5. Make God the center of your relationship

Allowing God to guide your marriage can help promote its success and happiness. It can involve simple things like reading God’s Word, praying over major decisions, or finding ways to serve the community together.

That’s why having a spouse with the same basic values is so vital. It’s a lot easier to make God the center of your relationship when you share the same faith (2 Corinthians 6:14–18; 1 Kings 11:4). For this reason, the Seventh-day Adventist Church Manual states:

“Marriages are more likely to endure, and family life to fulfill the divine plan, if husband and wife are united and are bound together by common spiritual values and lifestyles. For these reasons the Church strongly discourages marriage between a Seventh-day Adventist and a member of another religion and strongly urges its pastors not to perform such marriages.”⁶

Marriage, as God designed it, can build up both spouses, helping create a relationship and family that reflects His love to others.

Next up, we’ll see what the Bible says about raising a Christian family.

What Adventists believe about parenting

Adventists look to the Bible for guidance in raising their children. There, we find that God has given parents the responsibility for teaching their children to follow God (Proverbs 22:6).⁷ They are called to protect, nurture, and guide their children.

If you happen to be a parent, or are thinking about becoming one, you might wonder what this responsibility looks like.

In essence, the principles come from the model of God’s care for us.

Just as God gives us laws and boundaries for our own protection and benefit, parents are called to set up guidelines and teach their children to respect and obey (Exodus 20:12). Rather than being a way of restricting or limiting the children, obedience is a blessing and a safeguard to them.

But God is careful not to infringe on the free will of His creation. Parents can follow His example by giving their children age-appropriate levels of autonomy and independence.

When it comes to discipline, the Bible instructs parents to correct their children (Proverbs 29:17; Ephesians 6:4), but to do it out of love—not anger or frustration (Colossians 3:21).

This is the concept of redemptive discipline—the idea that it’s important to discipline children (when warranted) to show them:

• The difference between right and wrong
• How to respect and love others as Jesus did
• How to reconcile with others and God when they do wrong

So you may be wondering how these biblical principles for parenting look in practice.

It might be:

• Showing your kids how to love others through your words and your example
• Supporting and encouraging them in their interests and abilities.
• Lifting them up when they’re feeling down and showing them how to be brave and independent. Assure them and demonstrate to them that they are priceless in value to you and to God.
• Protecting them from the dangers of this world while teaching them how to think and reason for themselves

And you may slip up from time to time. You might say the wrong thing or respond with unwarranted frustration. You might overreact when you’re supposed to stay calm, or fail to respond adequately to a serious situation.

But don’t allow your mistakes and shortcomings to discourage you. Parenting, like the Christian journey, is a growth process. And God extends His grace to you in this season of life.

In fact, as we extend love to our children, it gives us a glimpse into the patient love God has for us. Many Bible verses even describe God as a father or mother (Proverbs 3:11–12; Isaiah 49:15).)

At the same time, children look at their parents and get a picture of what God’s love is like. Their views of life, God, and the Bible will be shaped by the example their parents set.

But what if a family has struggles? How can God help us in dysfunctional situations?

How God works with us through dysfunctional family situations

Because we live in a sinful world, our relationships are often far from perfect. Adventists believe that when we feel alone or like our earthly relationships are falling short, God fills that gap through His presence, the advice in His Word, and a godly support system.⁸

Sometimes, we may make poor decisions that cause conflict in our families. Other times, tragedy happens to our families that is outside our control. Because we live in a sinful world, we may face problems we never anticipated—like the death of a parent or the betrayal of a spouse.

In these situations, God’s Word offers us comfort and hope:

• Lacking a parent figure in your life? God tells us He will care for us like we’re His children (Romans 8:15; Ephesians 2:19; Isaiah 66:13).
• Feeling lonely in your relationship or incomplete as a single person? God tells us He will satisfy your needs (Psalm 145:14–16).
• Having to start over after leaving an abusive situation? God is your advocate and provider (Psalm 68:5; Isaiah 54:5).

What’s more, He “sets the solitary in families” (Psalm 68:6, NKJV). He often works through godly individuals—caring church members, mentors, counselors, and therapists—to bring about the needed growth and healing in our lives.

God is interested in you and wants to help you thrive again.

God cares about your relationships

God created marriage and family as a blessing to humanity and as mirrors of His love for us. In personally bringing Adam and Eve together, He showed how invested He is in helping our human relationships flourish.

Though sin has reached its tentacles into this part of the human experience too, God is still interested in guiding us to the best possible relationships.

Whether you’re looking for love or looking to repair broken relationships, know that God longs to help you find love, belonging, and joy.

The fullest, deepest, and most satisfying relationships on earth are a small glimpse into His heart for us.

Wanting to know more about our relational God and how He can help your relationships flourish? Head on over to